What if asking for help makes you MORE independent?

‘It is said, when a baby is watched over by their parents, it naturally starts exploring the world by themselves. The moment the parents walk out of the room and the baby notices it’s alone, it gets distressed and starts looking for their parents instead exploring.’

This example is from a study I once heard about. This study shows how much connection is our basic human need, but it also shows how, when we feel supported by others, that we naturally start showing signs of exploration and independence.

We are raised thinking we need to look strong for each other, be independent, not wine, not show weakness, and like everything is A okay. We are afraid to look like the victim and avoid showing any signs of victimhood to others (cause the ego can’t handle that and it triggers shame). But this approach in life can actually harm us in the long run. We are literally depriving ourselves from fulfilling all of our needs and from genuine healing. It can decrease our state of happiness daily or delaying finding true happiness in our lives.

We can become SUPER resistant to asking people for help when we would actually like it and when it would make our life easier. On top of that, some of us don’t even consider thinking about asking for help as if that is not an option at all. We don’t even realize that other people would actually like to help us with something and that it brings them joy to do so.

The truth is, we actually are born dependent! And even when we grow up, we are still social species. So, there is always some form of dependency from each other.

The thing about avoiding victimhood, dependency and showing perceived ‘weakness’ is that we are also preventing healing. If a person can never admit to how they really feel and express what they experienced that really made them feel like the victim, then they can never move beyond it. It stays suppressed…

How do we get out of suppression? We need to commit to a Shadow Work practice and learn how to feel.

And yes, you do not want to stay stuck in victimhood! It doesn’t feel good to anybody. But if we want to reach a state of true self-empowerment, we have to move through these lower emotional states first (which doesn’t feel good) in order to truly get out of them. Admitting to things we struggle with and admitting what we feel vulnerable about is scary, but it is helping us to move to more healing and integration.

So, what if you have the knowing that you can ask for help. That people are there for you. That you feel truly supported and truly feel that people want to give to you. Just because they want to, not because you need to give something back or need to do something for them in return. And if you can receive that support after you asked the people around you. (It can be as simple as asking to search for a box to send something in). THIS will actually make you become more independent as a person instead of dependent. It’s more so teamwork, because you are not supposed to do life alone. You can try though, but your state of happiness won’t improve.

There is something to say about doing things alone as well. You can develop self-trust, a deeper connection with yourself and this can also lead to self-empowerment. But it’s not a state where you deprive yourself of resources, connection and thus help from others. If you don’t ask for help you when you need it, you stagnate and it gets harder to get what you want and need. It can take longer to create and manifest what you desire.

These written words seem easy to read, but emotionally understanding this is more difficult since lots of people have blockages around receiving and asking for help. I am talking about an energetic state of feeling supported and the inner knowing that people want to help you or give to you. Feeling that fulfillment inside as well as the knowing what you have to offer and what you like to help others with. It can be the simplest things in life. You don’t have to think big. You have something to offer that you like others to receive as well.

It looks more like a ‘give’ and ‘receive’ dynamic throughout life. Knowing you got YOU, but at the same time knowing that others have you too when you need them and vice versa.

And so, with that feeling state, you naturally start to show signs of more and more independence and you give others permission to do the same. AND with that feeling you can handle the world! ????

Energetic keywords for this blog are:

– Admitting

– Asking

– Vulnerability

– Receiving

– Support

– Giving

Tune into the energy of these words and ask yourself:

What am I not admitting to right now?
Is there something I feel vulnerable about that I am not expressing or admitting?
Could I use someone’s help with this or right now? And how can I ask for it directly?
Do I notice when someone offers me help?
Do I allow myself to receive help? What blockages come up around receiving?
Do I feel supported? If not, how can I feel more supported?
When someone else is asking me for help, do I give or offer help?

The answers to these questions can help you become more self-empowered, self-sufficient and more independent in a healthy way. Let it be a process.

Until next time.

With Love, Naomi

P.s. you may also want to read my blog: ‘Why meeting your needs is crucial for true happiness?!’

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